Wednesday, July 25, 2012

The Paperboy and his mommy issues.

After finding out her mother has passed away, Melissa (along with her daughter Cammie) heads out to her hometown for the funeral. Supposedly, a heart attack killed Melissa's mother, but actually she was killed by the boy next door & local paperboy; Johnny McFarley.

Johnny killed the old woman in order to get Melissa to come home. He wants Melissa to be his mom and he also wants to be a big brother to Cammie. Johnny has longed to have a new mother ever since his real mom died. Now that Melissa is there, Johnny then tries to get her & Cammie to like him so that they can all be like a family. At first they do take a liking to Johnny since he's really nice to them, but then after hearing bad things about him from neighbors and seeing how crazy he gets, Melissa and Cammie avoid him at all costs.

This avoiding angers Johnny very much, it angers him so much that he ends up seriously injuring one of shit talking neighbors (a red headed teen girl), kills his neglectful father with a golf club (OUCH!), kills an old lady that calls him "evil", and then he attempts to kill Melissa's new boyfriend because he too isn't fond of Johnny at all. Now that he's gotten rid of people that are against him, Melissa can now be his mom and Cammie can now be his "little sis". If they don't be what he wants them to be, he's gonna have to get rid of them too!

Ever since I got a VHS copy of The Paperboy a few years ago (damn, time sure does fly!), I been very happy because this is a movie I been wanting to see for a while. Now that I own it and have seen it a dozen times, I can now (or later) die a happy man. I really enjoy this movie because it's pretty much similar to The Stepfather (which is an all time favorite movie of mine). What makes these movies so similar to each other is that they feature a character that just want to live a normal & family oriented life and they will do just about anything to make it possible. When I say "do just about anything", I mean anything! Anything like lying, murder, & manipulation. Ahhh... Fascinating, isn't it?

Even though I do really like The Paperboy, I must admit, there are some things that bother me at times....

First of all, there is the matter of Johnny and his rivalry with the red headed neighbor girl. Why do these two not 'like' each other?  Did they fight a while back? Perhaps Johnny just wants her but can't have her because she's with a lame guy?

Then there's the matter of Johnny wanting Melissa to be more than a mom to him. The whole point of the movie is that Johnny wants Melissa to be his mom, but then there are times where it appears that he wants Melissa in a romantic/sexual way. After seeing Johnny lusting after her (smelling her clothes, spying on her via telescope, etc.), he goes back unto that "I want a good mom" crap. So like... Does he want her as a mom/girlfriend? Or Just a mom? Or just a girlfriend? I could never figure that out nor will I ever! Boooo!

If you like The Stepfather, then perhaps you'll enjoy The Paperboy just as much. Look for a copy and hope you enjoy it! Cheers! 710.

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Clon De Hitler clips! (with English subtitles!)

The opening credits. So epic, so intense, so lame!

Tomcat and his tacos! Ya gotta love him! (R.I.P. Tomcat)

Meet Hitler's crew. They're all a bunch of weirdos. After meeting them, watch them all eat raw meat.


I must admit, Hitler's goth daughter has a nice little booty.

The end of Hitler's clone. Don't worry, his death is avenged in a movie called Darketos. In Darketos, Hitler's goth daughter, Iron, & a bunch of goths go after the men that killed him.... Somethin' like that. I don't know nor do I really care to know.

Monday, July 9, 2012

Hitler's Clone was born in Mexico.

This past week, Mexico had its Presidential election. A man named Enrique Peña Nieto won the presidential title. Apparently, this man is going to ruin Mexico, I doubt that he will though because El Clon De Hitler (Hitler's Clone) is in Mexico and he is going to fuck shit up! Enrique better do something about him before its too late! SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!! (sarcasm)

In the beginning of El Clon De Hitler, Hitler's Clone marches the scummy streets of Mexico. He marches while old nazi footage is seen & heard. Hitler's obese follower Tomcat joins him in the 'march' and then raids a taco stand. Hitler's Clone hates it when Tomcat eats tacos! He hates it so much, that he pinches his nipples for eating so many damn tacos. Poor, poor Tomcat! After nipple pinching Tomcat, we meet Hitler's 2 daughters. One daughter looks like a Cradle of Filth groupie, the other daughter looks normal and pretty. Both girls may be different, but they both equally love & respect their 'powerful' father (awww..). Next up, we meet 2 people that are always at the market that Hitler controls! Iron is a nasty looking vagrant that loves Hitler to death and he keeps an eye out for whatever is going down in the streets. Then there is Russia, she is the godmother of Hitler's goth daughter. She too loves Hitler to death. Her job is to control part of the dirty market and she also sells chickens......... In one scene of the movie, we see her cutting up chicken feet with large scissors. That scene is the most disgusting part of the movie. Just thinking about it makes me sick.. Then again, that whole scene inside that market makes me sick... Very sick....

After meeting Hitler's crew, we are introduced to his enemies! The 1st and most obvious one is his 'wife'. Hitler's wife hates his guts. I would explain why, but I'd rather not since I feel it's pointless to do so (seriously). Since she hates Hitler and all, she begins to date a corrupt cop who is plotting to kill Hitler and his crew. Will the cop succeed in killing Hitler & crew? Will Hitler not be killed and take over Mexico? Will Tomcat eat more tacos? 

The answer to those questions are right here!

1. The cop kills Hitler. The death of Hitler is so emotional (pathetic actually).. We see his bloody body hanging while we see 'sad' nazi footage playing right in front of him. 

2.  Well, he obviously dies but his death is avenged in a sequel movie called Darketos. Do I plan on watching Darketos anytime soon? If I find a copy for a cheap price, then yes. Will I review it? ....... No.

3. Tomcat unfortunately doesn't get to eat anymore tacos. He gets shot down by the cop. It's sad.. Very sad. I liked Tomcat. Tomcat may have been a fat buffoon, but he was very likable & very kind. The next time I go to a taco stand, I will think about Tomcat. the first bite of the taco will be for him. The second bite will be for Carmen from La Cumbia Asesina (R.I.P. La Reina!).

El Clon De Hitler is an epic failure in low budget Mexican filmmaking. The acting is awful, the setting is ugly as sin, and the story doesn't make any damn sense! Even director Christian Gonzalez admits that this movie is an epic failure and he continues to do so whenever its brought up somewhere. Why he directed it in the first place is a mystery to me.... For money perhaps? Good money hopefully.

Surprisingly, El Clon De Hitler got a very decent DVD release here in the USA. The DVD has English subtitles! Good subtitles, too! If you're very curious to see this Mexican Hitler clone shitfest, buy the DVD then. Try buying it for a dollar or less. 1/10.