Friday, June 29, 2012

13 MORE Mexi-Trash Trailers to watch over & over & over!!!

As promised, here's 13 MORE Mexi-Trash Trailers to watch over & over & over!

Chico Pistolon (1994)
Miguel Marte's worst movie. You would think a movie with Mario Almada and Alfonso Zayas would be great, but nope! It sucks! It sucks big time! The trailer is funny though. Kinda funny..

Pueblo De Malditos (1993)
Now this looks like a great Miguel Marte movie! That part where Mario Almada is setting off a bunch of bombs = AMAZING AS FUCK.

Desafiando A La Muerte (1990)
I saw some of this last year. Didn't like it. Then again, I was in a bad mood that night. Maybe when I'm feeling happy I'll get into it!

El Pichichi Del Barrio (Futbol De Alcoba 2) (1989)
Those big booty's. Those dorky middle aged men. Looks like a great movie!

Las Movidas Del Mofles (1987)
Hot women in their underwear. Hot women naked in bed. More dorky middle aged men. Man, I must see this one!

Fuera Ropa (1995)
Looks pretty lame but I'd watch it anyway!

El Mil Hijos (1989)
Looks boring but watchable because of Lorena Herrera! AH!

Muerte Ciega (1992)
I saw this one recently on tv. It's okay. Kinda slow but interesting. Lorena Herrera of course looks great in the movie. She wears a nice & bright pink bikini in one part (!!!!!!!!!!!!!).

Este Vampiro Es Un Tiro (1991)
This one I own on VHS. It's pretty lame but eh.. It's worth watching if you're into dorky vampires and poofy haired women (!!!!!).

Los Hojalateros (1991)
Dorky middle aged men staring at a big booty bending over.. Well that alone makes the movie worth watching!

Oficio: Golfa (Mexican Pretty Woman) (1990)
Released on video under the title 'Mexican Pretty Woman', Oficio: Golfa looks like a really fun movie. I gotta get myself a copy of this one. You should too!

Cabalgando Con La Muerte (1989)
An amazing looking Western flick starring Mario Almada and Eric Del Castillo. I need to see this one!

Intriga Policiaca (1992)
Miguel Marte, you once again amaze me with a badass looking action movie starring Mario Almada! LOOK AT MARIO ALMADA SHOOTING ALL THOSE SKI MASKED FUCKS! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, June 28, 2012

13 Mexi-Trash Trailers to watch over & over & over!!!

Last month, I brought you 17 Mexi-Trash Trailers to watch over & over. Today I bring you 13! Tomorrow, I'll bring you 13 more!

                                                   FUUUCK YES! ENJOY THEM!

El Homicida (1990)
Sebastian Ligarde is at his best in this movie. He's mean and oh so sleazy!

Jovenes Delincuentes (1991)
I have this one. Haven't watched it yet but it does look pretty good! MEXICAN JUVENILE DELINCUENTS FTW!

La Mujer Judicial (1990)
This one is great. Olivia Collins guns down a group of chicks, there's corrupt cops, Mario Almada is her father figure, and a chubby cheeked boy comes in to her life. Ahhh, wonderful!

Traicion A La Media Noche (1990)
Such an awesome looking movie! Diana Ferreti shoots down a fat guy! AHH!

Ciudad Sin ley (1990)
This one looks amazing. Too amazing. Look at Edna Bolkan! WOWZA! I will get this movie! Watch!

La Caida De Noriega (1990)
A trashy Mexican movie about Manuel Noriega. Looks good!

Calles Sangrientas (1990)
Also known as "Siete En La Mira 3" (not related to the first 2 movies), this movie is basically a Mexican Class of 1984. It's fantastic! There's lots of fighting, rapes, bloody murders and robberies. These punks are crazy!

Caminantes Si Hay Caminos (1991)
Los Caminantes + over the top violence = Your Mexican Dad's wet dream! If you got a Mexican dad, this movie will entertain him big time!

La Guerrera Vengadora 2 (1992)
Rosa Gloria Chagoyan is seriously the coolest. Hot too.

Lola La Trailera 3 (El Gran Reto) (1991)
the last Lola La Trailera movie. I dig it! It's great.

La Fuerza Bruta (1991)
Looks rather dull but it's got a great cast though.

Mafia De Verdugos (1990)
Very promising looking!

Cuervo El Destructor (1991)
Such a badass looking movie! I need this movie in my life! I love how the narrator says "check this movie out on video or go see it at your favorite movie theater". Did anyone actually see this movie at their favorite movie theater?! If you have, please let me know how that was!

Alright folks, tomorrow you get to see 13 more Mexi-Trash trailers! Hope you enjoy them!

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Ax'd My Heart In Two.

A couple of months back, I was at the grocery store buying my usual groceries (bowl noodle soups, lipton sweet teas, big bag of Flaming Hot Cheetos, red apples, deli ham, wheat bread, bananas). After picking out my 1 week supply of food, I got in line to pay and that's when I first laid eyes on the most prettiest cashier chick in the world. The prettiest cashier chick in the world's name tag read "Delilah".

Delilah is a natural beauty... She has a perfect little smile, 2 beautiful brown eyes that shine, a perfect little nose, and long brown hair that is poofy as fuck. Ahhhh... She was the one I been looking for all my life. Yes! Yes! Yes!

The very next day, I went back to the grocery store to approach Delilah. I wanted to get to know her and just maybe get her to go out with me sometime. I found her at the cookie section stacking cookies (duh) looking very tired and a little sad. I asked her if she was okay, she said "yes, I'm just tired is all". From then on, we just started talking about cheesy tv sitcoms from the 80's (!!!!) and life in general. We really got to know each other oh so well in that 10 minute conversation. After she got off work, I walked her home since she lived not too far from the store. Before she got inside her house, I asked her if she would be interested in going out to dinner with me on Saturday and maybe after dinner, we could watch random Too Close For Comfort episodes on DVD. As I waited to hear the dreadful word "Nah", she said "oh yes! sure!".

I felt like the happiest man in the world when she said yes. After all, it's not every day a girl says yes to me.

On Saturday, I got ready to take Delilah out to a nice dinner at a Mexican restaurant. I wore my best clothes and I put on some fancy cologne that I paid too much for. Just when I was about to step out and go to her house, I received the worst text message of my life. The message read: "Hey, I won't make it for dinner. Going to [some lame indie band name] show with a friend. Later!"   

My heart broke in two when I read that message... The prettiest cashier chick in the world dumped me to go see some lame indie band with a friend (a guy most likely).

Me being dumped, smelling too good, & bored outta my mind, I decided to watch a movie to cheer me up. I decided to watch Ax Em since the yellow VHS tape appealed to me at that moment. I hoped the movie would heal my broken heart. Unfortunately, it did not at all. It just made my broken heart worse. Fuck....

In Ax Em, a group of college kids go to a remote cabin in the woods for a fun weekend filled with laughter, food, romance, and ghost story telling! The ghost story that's told is about a child named Harry who's entire family was murdered 13 years ago. Now, a zombiefied & grown up Harry is in the woods killing anyone that's around. Vengeance will be his. I guess....

I swear, Ax Em is so damn awful. The movie starts off with a poorly written prologue telling us the story about what happened 13 years ago (aka '1990'). After the awful as fuck prologue, we see people hip hop dancing at a college and telling awful "yo mama" jokes. Well actually, one of them was funny! It goes: "yo mama is so dumb, she studied for a blood test!". That one made me laugh. Not hard though. After that, we meet our characters and from then on, they talk (you can barely hear them talk), they laugh, they eat, they get killed in wacky ways (telephone to the face!), and then uuuhhh.. Well, you get the picture.. The awful picture.

Indie music lovin' Delilah and shitty as fuck Ax Em ax'd my heart in two. Damn. I hate life now. I also hate the local indie music scene. Most of all, I hate Ax Em so damn much. Not as much Heavy Metal Massacre though. 2/10.


Too Close For Comfort season 6 sucks. Don't bother watching it.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Dead in 30 seconds.

Sometimes, winning can kill you. Seriously!

When high school track star Laura Ramstead wins the big race in 30 seconds, she has a fatal heart attack afterwards. 2 months later, the high school is preparing for graduation day. Laura's older sister Anne arrives at the school to receive her deceased sister's diploma & track trophy posthumously. As the students prepare for graduation, the members of the track team are being killed off one by one... In 30 seconds! Weird, huh?!! The psycho doing this wears a fencing mask and sweats. Cool, huh? The reason why this psycho is killing the track team (and anyone around them) is because these people (along with the coach) were the ones responsible for Laura's death. They just kept on pressuring her to win the big race! So now, these pushy team members have to pay for what they did! Ouch!

Graduation Day, Graduation Day! Gosh, I love this movie. To me, this is like the perfect slasher movie because it takes place in a high school, dumb guys get killed, hot chicks get killed, hot chicks get naked (hehe!), and there's an ultra catchy song in the opening of the movie! The song is called "Everybody Wants To Be The Winner". It's so fast, so catchy, & so hip! You gotta love it! Speaking of the music in the movie, the other songs in the movie are garbage. The first garbage song is called "Graduation Day Blues", this one is performed by a couple of high school dorks that sound stoned out of their minds. The other song "Gangster Rock" is played by some crap band that wear tacky make-up. Its all loud & ugly sounding. The lyrics are stupid too. Fuck you, Gangster Rock!

This being a slasher movie & all (duh!), there's plenty of bloody kills. The first one is great since we get to see the ever-so adorable Linda Shayne getting her throat slit by the psycho in a fencing mask. The most memorable kill in the movie is the one where a jock gets stabbed with his own football! The football has a fencing sword attached to it! Now isn't that clever?! As great as these bloody kills sound, they aren't all that bloody. Oh sure, we do see some blood, but it's not much to go crazy over. Sorry gorehounds! This one won't please you.

Graduation Day is such a fun 80's slasher movie. As a matter of fact, it's pretty much my favorite 80's slasher movie. It's cheesy fun and not to be taken serious because let's face it, this movie is ridiculous as fuck. Still, a ridiculous movie isn't always bad. Sometimes, they're better than the serious movies (truths!).

If you haven't watched Graduation Day, then I recommend you do so very soon because you're missing out. If you've seen and you hated it, ahh hell.. Oh well!! 9/10.