Friday, March 30, 2012

"From the Terrifying Pages of Edgar Allan Poe!"

Meet Edgar. He's a Librarian, into 'erotica', has only one friend, and he is mad shy with women! When an attractive woman named Betty moves across the street from Edgar's home, he immediately (and awkwardly) approaches her and asks her out. The two go out for a while but nothing happens. Oh sure, Edgar is all lovey dovey with Betty, but she however isn't all lovey dovey with him. She just pities him (bogus!). When Betty meets Edgar's only friend Carl, she falls madly in love with him! Eventually, Carl and Betty fuck. Unfortunately, Edgar saw them fucking since he can see thru Betty's window from a room upstairs in his house. Edgar, angry and all... Invites Carl over and kills him brutally with a fire poker. After killing him, Edgar begins to hear Carl's heart beat all over his house. Even after taking the heart out of the dead body & burying it in the dirt, Edgar continues to hear the heart beat. It's driving him mad! Way Mad!

Based on the short story by Edgar Allan Poe, The Tell-Tale Heart is a great movie! It's fun, it's interesting, and the acting is really great. The entire cast play these characters perfectly, especially Laurence Payne (Edgar). Now what I really like about this movie is the fact that its quite brutal. It ain't too brutal but it is brutal enough to make you say "ouch!" and "eeewwww". The scene where Edgar kills Carl is quite painful to watch! You can almost feel the fire poker hitting you! Another painful scene is when Edgar takes the 'beating' heart out Carl's dead body. When he takes out the heart, you can see the bloody heart in his hands. Now that's nasty!

If you're in the mood for a classy & nasty little UK horror movie, I recommend you watch The Tell-Tale Heart. It's fun, bloody, and cool. You can get this movie anywhere for a real cheap price. So go on, grab a copy and enjoy!! 8/10.

Friday, March 23, 2012

With Fear In The Veins!

So the other night, I watched a video called Con El Miedo En Las Venas (aka "With Fear In The Veins"). This particular video contains 4 short SOV flicks involving nuclear shit, obsession, Wild West fascination, and a woman killing a little girl because she broke some precious vases. These 4 short flicks are interesting in a weird & cheap sort of way. Well, one of them isn't interesting actually. Anyway, let me tell you all about the 4 short stories.

In ISP 44, a disfigured man named Fausto lives in the sewers. He was disfigured at work. He worked for some big corporation handling nuclear shit. Fausto, angry & lonely, decides to get revenge on the corporation that fucked him up! How will he get revenge? Simple! He will use ISP 44! What the fuck is ISP 44? I don't know! It's just some glowing stuff in a case. Weird, huh?

First story is okay. It's kinda like Darkman mixed with Pulp Fiction (the glowing stuff in the case). I do wish it was more longer though since I wanted to see more of Fausto in the sewer and perhaps even a flashback scene of Fausto's accident.

ISP 44 is swell. Definitely worth a look!

Meet Manolo (played by Carlos Espejel). He's that really weird guy you knew back in high school. Oh you know, wears all black and always has a crazy look on his face. Manolo lives with an older cousin. The older cousin is a ladies man. I don't know why and how, but he is. When Manolo and cousin go on a vacation at a beach filled with bikinis and speedos, Manolo falls in love with a singer. Her name is Nuria. She's kinda cute, she wears glow sticks on her neck, and she finds Manolo interesting! Not as interesting as the cousin though! Apparently, the cousin fucked her. Hearing about that causes Manolo to go crazy!

Galatrejos En El Mar is the best story. It's got quirky/likable characters and the story is surprisingly good. I also dig the way Manolo dresses. He's at a beach, yet he wears a long black trench coat, a black hat, and thick dark glasses. He also wears Halloween masks. He's obviously different. Too different. Awesome!

 A nerdy guy loves western movies. He longs to be an outlaw. Fortunately for him, the opportunity comes when he finds out he looks like Billy The Kid and he finds a revolver inside his little tv! With his new alter ego, the nerdy guy robs a bank but then the money he grabbed is taken away by a gang of punks. The nerdy guy goes after the punks... Western styled! (sepia filtered, gun shooting, old cowboy movie clips shown, etc.)

Even though it doesn't make any sense, El Revolver is entertaining in a dumb sort of way. Worth a look, don't skip it!

From what I've put together, this one is about a psychic and his wife helping an old woman. The old woman wants to know who killed her precious granddaughter. The psychic's wife seems to be getting visions of the young girl's death. When they go to the old woman's house, the psychic's wife sees the ghost of the little girl. Finally, we find out who the killer is. Then again, we already know who the killer is since it is sooo damn obvious from the beginning! What was the motive for the killing? The little girl broke a vase and this really pissed off the killer. Seriously. No Joke! That's why the girl was killed!

Last story is the worst story. Terror En Tiempos De Crisis appears to be a full length feature trimmed down to fit this compilation of Televisa produced horror/fantasy shorts. Trimming down a full movie is a bad thing because it's not gonna make any sense and that is exactly what happens with Terror En Tiempos De Crisis. It starts out okay but then it rushes to one scene to another. It ends quickly too. Awful!!!!

You definitely need to skip this one. So when El Revolver is over, turn off the video so you won't have to watch Terror En Tiempos De Crisis. You want to watch it? Haha, okay then. Do it. Be dumb!

Con El Miedo En Las Venas is a weird ass horror anthology. The VHS cover makes it out to be something brutal and full of action, but really, there's little action and it is definitely not brutal. What makes this horror anthology even weirder is the fact that it has a 'ghoulish' bald headed host (Sergio Bustamante) that only appears in the opening. He mumbles about death and these stories, then out of nowhere he points a gun to his head and shoots himself. How pointless!

To make it even more weirder than it already is, a woman in all black (someone you would see at a funeral) appears in the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th story. I'm not sure what she's supposed to be doing but I sure would like to know! Someone tell me who she is and what she could be doing, please!

If you ever find a copy of Con El Miedo En Las Venas, will you like it? Perhaps. Like seeing weird dudes fall in love with a girl and then killing them because she slept with your speedo wearing cousin? Then yes, you will like it. Like seeing guys turn into Billy The Kid? Then yes, you will like it. Do you just plain like ridiculous horror/fantasy stories? Then yes, you will like it. 5/10.