Saturday, June 18, 2011

Bro, you need to check out the Vampire Circus.

The other day, the circus came to town... The Vampire Circus! Me loving the circus since I was a kid, I went to the Vampire Circus and had a blast! I watched all the erotic and weird shows, ate popcorn, ate cotton candy, and drank some tasty thick fruit punch. When the shows were over, I began to feel dizzy and my stomach was hurting like a son of a bitch. It turns out that thick punch I drank was really vampire blood and I was going to become a vampire at any moment. When I arrived home, I died a human but came back to life as a vampire! YEAH!

In Vampire Circus, Count Mitterhaus kills a little girl by drinking her blood. A chick named Anna watches the blood drinking and then she fucks the Count. After fucking, the Count gets staked by the mayor of a local village who has been fed up with the Count's killings. Anna gets her ass kicked by an angry mob, then runs off with the Count's almost dead body swearing that they'll get revenge on the village people that fucked with them.

15 years later, the village has gotten the black plague. People are sick, people are dying, and then.. The Circus comes! But it ain't no average circus, this circus is a Vampire Circus! The shows are wicked awesome! There's these twin siblings that jump high in the air and become bats! A chick painted as a tiger erotically moves around and dances! A midget clown jumps around and laughs!!!! And last, the leader of the circus is a vampire that can transform into a black panther. Amazing, Isn't it? As amazing as that sounds, the circus is not at the dying village to entertain.. They are there to bring back Count Mitterhaus to life! How though? Simple. They gotta kill a bunch of children and spill their blood on the Count's body so he can get his revenge on the village that fucked with him.

Vampire Circus is entertaining from start to finish. It never gets boring and it has plenty of tits & blood to keep you glued to the TV. I liked the story, it's awesome and original. In the mood for an old vampire movie? Check out Vampire Circus then. That should satisfy your Vampire movie craving. 8/10.

Turns out I didn't really turn into a vampire. It was all just a dream. Bummer.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

The Next Victim.

"Fernando" (Fernando Almada) is married to movie star "Susana" who's beautiful, egotistical, and somewhat troubled. After accidentally killing their little daughter "Nancy", Fernando feels awful, but Susana is the one suffering the most. Still though, Susana has hope that Nancy will come back thru the upcoming baby. 9 Months later, the baby is born. It's a boy. Susana still claims the baby boy is a girl.

As the boy grows up, Susana dresses him up like a girl and calls him Nancy. When the maid criticizes Susana's crazy actions to the butler, the maid gets her throat slit (at night) by a person wearing a long black coat and a creepy clear smiley mask. When Fernando finds out what Susana has been doing to their son, he leaves angry to Guadalajara but he doesn't make it due to crashing his car. Before Fernando left, Susana fucked up the car. She wanted Fernando to get into a deadly accident, but she failed to get him killed because he barely survived the accident.

Then like 10 years later (or so), the son is now an angry and hormonal teenager, Fernando is an invalid in a wheelchair, and Susana is crazier than ever. The happy dysfunctional family live in a beach house now, and for some reason.... Murders have been commited near the house.... The Smiley Face Killer is back. Who's killing people near the house? Is it crazy Susana? Or is it her son?

La Venganza Del Silla De Ruedas aka La Proxima Victima (Revenge of the Man in the Wheelchair aka The Next Victim) is a great slasher movie! I love the story, I love the brutal murders because they're ridiculously bloody, and I really love the killer's outfit because IT IS CREEPY! Apparently, this is suposed to be a sequel to a movie called "La Silla De Ruedas" but obviously it isn't since this movie I'm talking bout' is horror, not action. If you're looking for a cheap, bloody, and creepy Mexican slasher movie.. Then check this one out. Please. 8/10.
                                      VHS cover found at El Norte Sleazy Picture Show