Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Hello Mary Lou: You Suck.

Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II is about Mary Lou Maloney, a slutty girl that has high hopes of becoming Hamilton High's Prom Queen of 1957, but instead, she's accidentally burned to death by her 40 year old looking boyfriend. 30 years later, a girl named "Vicky" gets possessed by Mary Lou after opening a trunk filled with old prom accessories of '57. Mary Lou has possessed Vicky in order to become Prom Queen properly, nothing and no one will get in her away of becoming Prom queen.

So, to Hamilton High school students and faculty:
  • Beware of Mary Lou! 
  • Don't deny her lesbian kisses! 
  • Do not try using a holy cross to kill her! 
  • Don't tell her there is good, because there really isn't! 
  • And Do Not try changing the Prom Queen winner, because Mary Lou will hack into your computer and fuck you up. 

Seriously, don't try it.

I hate Prom Night II, it's seriously the worst horror movie I have ever seen. Now don't get me wrong, I've seen plenty of other horrible horrors but this one is still #1 for me. It tries too hard to be funny, it tries too hard to be splattery (if that's even a real word to use), and especially tries too hard to be like The Exorcist and Carrie. The characters in ths crap sequel are annoying, none of them were likable at all, well maybe Vicky was sorta likable but that's only because she's fully nude in the famous "Girls Locker Room Death" scene. As for Mary Lou, she's lame, not attractive or scary, just annoying and plain looking.

This movie is shit, I hate that I still have the vhs tape, I'll probably break it soon. I don't know. Whatever.

Fuck you Mary Lou. Fuck You. 1/10.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Coming Soon.

Hey R.O.T.O.R., "We've Got To Find Our Hideaway!"

When I bought R.O.T.O.R. on VHS a couple of years ago, I was happy because I was finally going to witness the hilarious Robo-Cop/Terminator rip-off. And so you know, after watching it, I laughed... I laughed til I cried. Like Yermo, but this was actual laughter, not depressing/psychopathic laughter. Now, why did I laugh so much? Well first of all, the acting (or "dubbing"; According to the credits) is atrocious, the special effects are ridiculous, and.... The music is extremely super fucking cheesy...... I'll tell you more about the music right after I explain to you what R.O.T.O.R. is about. Okay? Ok.

R.O.T.O.R. is about R.O.T.O.R. (Robotic Officer of the Tactical Operation Research), a cyborg that is programmed to fight crime. R.O.T.O.R. is still in the works so it's not ready to do any crime fighting... Yet. Then in the late hours of the night, a Token Native-American dude accidentally fucks up a computer and sets R.O.T.O.R. freeeee! When released, R.O.T.O.R. goes on a "crime fighting" (Killing) spree all over Dallas, TX. It's up to R.O.T.O.R.'s creators "Dr. Coldyron" and the manly "Dr. Steele" to stop R.O.T.O.R. from "crime fighting".

R.O.T.O.R. is hilariously bad in every way, there is nothing good about this movie at all, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it can't be watched and liked for how terrible it is. It's funny, and we all like to laugh; Right? 

So anywho, back to the music part!

The music in R.O.T.O.R. is extremely super fucking cheesy. In the beginning, An ugly country song is played as Dr. Coldyon prepares his morning cup of coffee (In A Texas Sized Coffee Cup!). Then, a steamy romantic duet is played as Coldyron meets with his girlfriend at some fancy 80's restaurant. The steamy romantic duet is amazing and extremely fucking cheesy, it's called "Hideaway", it's basically just about finding a place (ahem a Hideaway) to have sex at, but not just any sex... Steamy and Romantic Sex. Like the kind you see in ABC soap operas.

Awful shit at it's best, you all need to see R.O.T.O.R. because it will make you laugh a lot, and I want you all to laugh because laughing makes us happy. We all want to be happy, right? Right! 

I'm gonna give this 3/10 because a 5 would not be fair at all. So, 3/10 it is. Enjoy.
     And now ladies and gentlemen, I present to you.... "Hideaway"!!!!!!!!!!!!!