Sunday, January 30, 2011

Let's go to the Swap Meet.

We all love the Swap Meet, right? Oh yeah. Imagine if there was a whorehouse on wheels at the Swap Meet? That would be awesome, huh? Well no, because that would never happen and this movie doesn't really have that, but yet IMDb says it does. Well, Let me tell what the movie is really about.

Swap Meet is about some teenagers joy riding on a "borrowed" car, after joy riding they go to the swap meet for the hell of it. When they arrive, they talk to chicks, mess with a snooty rich guy (he's the bad guy of the movie), the snooty rich guy gets pissed off so he has a couple of white trash weirdos to mess with the "borrowed" car. Then the car gets a nasty dent, the teens need to get it fixed immediately but have no cash for that, so they decide to sell junk at the swap meet!! When they fail to sell anything, they decide to open a "brothel" in a van and use their chick friends as hookers! Well actually, it's just a scam. A fucked up scam (poor Superstar!). After the "brothel" is closed down by the swap meet owner, we just see randomness and sexy mischief happening with the teens, the swap meet manager and his hooker girlfriend doing weird stuff (like living at the Drive-In!), there's also mexicans being cooky, something about stolen cars and uhhh... Danny DeVito being weird. Yeah...... Oh! And some kid on a skateboard keeps crashing into things at the Swap Meet.

As random as it is, it's not a bad movie, it's just not I was expecting. Still though, Swap Meet is pretty original and fun. Watch it or be square. 6/10.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Kill a Hooker, Move to New York, Become Bad.

Poor country boy Richard, he just killed a hooker because he was afraid the hooker will tell mommy he didn't have money to fuck her, so Richard right away hides the dead hooker's body and runs off to New York City! He starts a new life there but quickly (very quickly) becomes a sleazy psycho that kills innocent and weird hookers. Of course, the movie barely shows any murders happening, the movie mainly focuses on Richard's new life, and remember that first hooker he killed? Well, a cop that was very fond of her searches for her because he finds it strange that she left her home quickly and the last person he saw coming in the house was none other than Richard!

BloodRage is an okay movie but it goes by way too fast, one minute Richard is still feeling bad for what he's done and then next thing you know, he's talking shit about his new life and fucking a married chick. Yeah... He moved on right away.... What I didn't like at all was the man staring at Richard's window while he's staring at a hooker's window. Who the fuck was that man!? Why was he looking at Richard so much? It doesn't make sense!

The things I did like about BloodRage was how sleazy it was, it is mean toned, dirty, ugly, and rotten. It also has a lot of naked chicks.

If you want something sleazy, then watch it. Don't expect it to be a slasher though because I know the cover and the plot make it sound like it's a slasher. 5/10.

Monday, January 17, 2011

"Panico", a Mexican Horror Anthology movie.

Panico has 3 stories to tell, these stories are creepy, sad, and funny.

Let's get started with the first story.

This is where the title comes from, it starts with a young woman hearing a baby crying, she goes to the crib and from our view we see nothing, next thing you know, we see her outside holding a baby doll and caring for it like if it's real. Then, things get crazier! A creepy looking woman starts chasing the young woman in the woods, the young woman runs as fast as she can and starts remembering a bad experience with men she once trusted. Then the young woman sees her "baby" slowly going down quicksand, she tries to save the "baby" but it ends up sinking and a yellow rose floats up, the young woman picks up the rose and starts to look happy. From there the creepy woman reaches her and "stabs" her.. But of course, it didn't actually happen because the young woman actually kills the creepy woman by choking her, the story ends with a narrator telling us how the young woman became a schizophrenic.

This was a great story, it's really trippy and creepy, it also has no dialogue (til the end of course) which makes it interesting and unique.

Second story is about 2 men burying a woman and rowing to another town for safety. As they row through a gloomy river, one of the men (Joaquin Cordero) starts hearing the woman's voice and remembers fond memories of himself with her, same time, the other man also remembers fond memories of himself with her. Things get worse for these guys when they start fighting (secrets were finally told), Joaquin Cordero's character kills the other man and from there he starts hearing the woman's voice closer to him, he also starts coughing out blood which means he's infected with the disease that killed the woman he loved.

This was an interesting story, it is really tragic and creepy.

The last story is a cheerful one but in a dark way of course.

This one is about a goofy scientist accidentally exposing himself with some chemical that makes him appear dead, when his wife finds him lying on the floor "dead", she decides to bury him as soon as possible because she feels that's the right thing to do. As the man lays "dead" in a coffin, he awaits for the chemical to wear off but unfortunately it's too late when it does. So, he's now six feet under ground and his wife has moved on with another man. As depressing as that sounds, it's pretty funny actually, the ending is hilarious and perfect.

If you want to see something that will scare you, surprise you, and make you laugh... Then check out Panico, you won't regret it. 7/10.